Can I keep it 100? What if some of the struggles you face as leaders are self imposed? Though I know there are many invisible forces in the workplace that can stifle our wellbeing, I often wonder if we are co-conspirators in our suffering.

Here’s what I mean!

On any given day, I know the unspoken pain points that feel just “the way it is when you’re in leadership:”

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- vicious cycles of burnout
- sacrifice that has now become resentment
- shrinking to become a fraction of yourself that makes others “comfortable”
- exhaustion from doing emotional labor for others
- drained from fighting
- physical symptoms from pinned up internal anger (e.g., migraines, stomach issues, poor appetite)
- burdened from trying hard not to be perceived as the “angry black woman”
- suffering in silence

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That’s the extra 20% of labor Black women leaders experience in addition to their “role and responsibilities.” Leaders tell me “it comes with the territory.”

But does it have to though?I know there is a cost to leadership, but how do you know when the cost is too expensive? Is it possible that strength has worn out its welcome? Have you become the casualty in the process of leading? Is it possible that the way you’ve learned to lead isn’t a way that will contribute to your long term health and well-being?

I know why some leaders show up the way they do; it’s what they’ve been taught. But I also know it’s a piece of what contributes to their pain points. I can understand why it may be challenging to imagine a different way. But there is one! Sometimes we need to retreat from the “normal” to establish a new normal.

It's time to recharge, reset, and, realign & join the #3RELITE