Use Your Mouth: A Grown Woman's Guide to Sexual Communication

We talk a lot about pleasure, but not nearly enough about the role the mouth plays in getting there. Your mouth is more than a tool for seduction; it’s a gateway to clarity, connection, and agency. Whether you're whispering a desire, naming a boundary, or offering direction mid-stroke, your mouth is how you advocate for your pleasure in real time. For Black women especially who’ve been taught to stay quiet or prioritize someone else’s satisfaction, using your mouth, literally and figuratively, is an act of sexual liberation.

Most of us were taught how to say "no" before we ever learned how to say “yes.” And even when we learned how to say yes, we weren’t always taught how to say what we actually wanted. That’s where sexual communication comes in. It’s one of the most powerful tools we have for Intimacy, connection, and sexual pleasure.

So let’s get into it.

What Is Sexual Communication?

Sexual communication is the way we express our desires, boundaries, curiosities, and experiences verbally and nonverbally, before, during, and after sex.

It’s the:

“I love it when you do that…"

“Can we slow down for a second?”

It’s the smile, the shift in your breath, the movement of your hips, the ways your body speaks even before your mouth does.

Sexual communication is a two-way street. It’s not just about speaking, it’s about listening. It’s about tuning in to your partner’s words, yes, but also their tone, their breath, their moans, their silence. It’s a dance of expression and reception.

And it’s not always heavy. It can be playful. Spicy. Light. It can be foreplay. It can be a turn-on in itself.

Let's take it a step further. What Is Assertive Sexual Communication?

Assertive sexual communication is clear, confident, and rooted in mutual respect. It’s not demanding or performative, it’s honest. And it's about owning who you are what you want, and what you don't want.

It’s knowing how to say:

“Too fast”

“Can we try something new?”

“That's not hitting like I need it to."

“This position isn't work for me, can we switch it up?”

Assertive doesn’t mean insulting. It means grounded. Aware. Present in your body and therefore your needs. And when both partners bring that energy to the table? It’s magic.

What Gets in the Way?

• Fear of rejection or judgment

• Fear of bruised egos

• Shame about wanting too much or not wanting enough

• Beliefs that “good sex” just happens naturally, no conversation needed

• Lack of knowledge about our own pleasure

• Past trauma that taught us silence was safer

  
  

None of that is your fault, but you don’t have to stay there. You get to rewire your pleasure script.

Three Ways to Lean Into Sexual Communication:

1. Make it mutual. Great sexual communication is a conversation, not a monologue. Get curious about your partner. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?” or “How does your body respond when I do this?” The dialogue can deepen intimacy, and bring a whole new level of pleasure to the moment.

   
   

2. Listen to your body talk. Your body is one of the best communicators you have. Pay attention to your breath, your heart rate, what makes you arch, pause, or lean in. Notice what makes your body say “yes” — then communicate that. Better yet, invite your partner to notice too.

   
   

3. Add some spice. Communication doesn’t have to kill the vibe. It can be the vibe. Sexting. Shared playlists. Guided touch. Whispering what you want between kisses. That’s all communication. That’s all intimacy. You can explore your pleasure and turn up the volume at the same time.

Let R&B Be Your Guide

Need inspiration? Here are three R&B tracks that embody the energy of sexual communication, confident, expressive, and sensual:

1. Usher — “I Am the Party." Usher makes it clear he’s in tune with what he wants, what you want, and how y’all are about to experience it. The whole song is a sexual declaration.

   
   

2. Victoria Monét — “Touch Me.” This is vulnerability wrapped in sensuality. She communicates longing, boundaries, and desire without shame. It’s both tender and bold; a masterclass in soft power and sexual clarity.

   
   

3. Maxwell — “Til the Cops Come Knockin." Slow, intentional, and emotionally rich. Maxwell isn’t rushing anything, he’s paying attention. Listening. Responding. This track teaches that sometimes the sexiest thing is presence.

Ready to Take the Conversation Deeper?

Join me for this weekend’s live virtual workshop: The Pleasure Principles Workshop.

We’re diving into our unique pathways to pleasure so you can show up with clarity, confidence, and zero shame. Take advantage of the 25% off summer special this Saturday, July 19th only. Use discount code SUMMER25 at checkout.

Click Here to Register.