The Sex Lies We Inherited

6 Myths That Block Black Women From Fully Claiming Their Pleasure

And why it’s time to rewrite the story on your terms.

Happy Summer Y'all! I am sooooo excited to start this Sizzling Conversations Series and talk all things, sex, intimacy, and pleasure this summer. So let's get right into it. When it comes to sex, pleasure, and desire, Black women have been fed a steady diet of judgement, silence and shame. We’ve been hypersexualized by media, silenced by tradition, and left out of almost every safe space to explore what we actually want on our own terms. So many of us carry confusion, disconnect, or frustration when it comes to our sexuality; not because we’re broken, but because the truth has been hidden beneath generations of myth.

Let’s debunk 6 of the biggest lies we've Inherited:

1. "Black women are always confident and sexually empowered." We're expected to be bold in the boardroom and fiery in the bedroom. But many of us are navigating intimacy with no map, no models, and no space to ask questions.→ Real confidence is built in safety, not performance.

2. "You should already know what you like and how to ask for it." Desire is a journey, not a destination. Yet too many of us have been taught to prioritize everyone else’s needs and never learned how to explore or express our own.→ You don’t have to have all the answers. Curiosity is enough.

3. "Good sex = penetration + orgasm." This myth leaves too many Black women detached from their bodies. The truth? Pleasure lives in presence, in exploration, and in connection—not just in the outcome.→ Your pleasure doesn’t have to follow anyone else’s script.

4. "Using toys means something’s wrong with you or your relationship." Wrong. Toys and tools are enhancements, not replacements. They’re invitations to deepen, not signs of deficiency.→ You deserve to expand your pleasure toolbox—guilt-free.

5. "Strong women don’t talk about sex." If silence protected us, we’d be free by now. Your power isn’t in pushing through. It’s in naming what you need and honoring what you want.→ Strength and softness can co-exist. So can leadership and desire.

6. "Desire is selfish—or optional." We’ve been taught that wanting more—more touch, more joy, more intimacy—is too much. But desire isn’t indulgence. It’s information.→ Your pleasure is not extra. It’s essential.

This is your invitation to reimagine what sexual wellness can look and feel like for you.

Over the next 8 weeks, I'm going to be having Sizzling Conversations on all levels. We're going to start with Reclaiming the Basics helping you to connect with your bodies, dismantle shame, and get open to pleasure on your own terms. During the Reclaiming the Basics Series, I'll discuss Myths that block Black Women from Fully Claiming their Pleasure, Sexual Communication 101, The Truth About Toys, Self Pleasure & Solo Sex, and Debunking Orgasm Myths.

Then we will heat it up, Deepening the Dialogue, by moving to an intermediate level and focus on intimacy, exploration, and conscious curiosity. This intermediate level of the series will help you push past internalized norms, open up the menu of experiences, and normalize deeper connections. I'll discuss Role Play & Fantasy Exploration, Sexual Initiation & Bold Desires, Sacred Kink & Soft Dominance, and From Head to Bed.

We'll finish off the summer on the advanced level with Full Bodied Freedom taboo breaking, radical self-permission, and embodied liberation. This advanced series will help you with courageous experimentation. I'll discuss Power, Submission, & Control, Being Watched/Voyeurism, and How to Navigate Threesomes.

And if you're ready to put all of this new info into practice, join Pleasure Principles, a workshop created exclusively for Black women who are ready to explore, own, and elevate their sexual wellness that I host every third Saturday of the month.We talk pleasure not performance and explore your unique journey to and beyond it. We build confidence, create safety, softness, and boldness—all in one room. Because Black women deserve more than survival in every domain of life including the bedroom. Get settled in. Sizzling Conversations is now underway.